When Our Kids Feel All The Big Feels

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This morning as we were getting ready for the first day of school, my son (who is going into grade 1) came up to me and said, “Mom, I feel a bit scared about today.  Maybe a bit sad too.  I don’t know what it’s going to be like, or if I’m going to like my teacher.”  He said it quietly, as if the softness of his words would somehow blur their meaning.

“That all sounds perfectly normal to me,” I said thoughtfully.  “It’s a new school year with a new teacher, and new classmates.  I would imagine that a lot of kids are going to be feeling exactly the same way you are.”

“I guess,” he said, studying his hands.  “Everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited to be starting school, but I’m not.”

I nodded as I gently wrapped my arms around him.  “There’s no right or wrong way to feel about the first day of school,” I said, reassuringly.  “Whatever you feel is perfectly okay, because your feelings are yours to have.  I’m glad you told me about them though, because my job is to help you understand those feelings and to figure out what to do with them.”

And that is something we all need in life, isn’t it?  Someone who will tell us it’s okay to feel what we feel, and who will still love us anyway.  Someone who will listen as we talk, without necessarily trying to fix whatever it is we are trying to work through. Someone who isn’t going to tell us that we can’t or shouldn’t feel a certain way, or try to convince us that we are just fine in spite of the fact that we are clearly not.  We need people who will press their shoulder up against ours when we need someone to lean in to.  We need people in our lives who will say, “I get it, and I’m here for you, so go ahead and feel all the big feels.”


27 thoughts on “When Our Kids Feel All The Big Feels

  1. “And that is something we all need in life, isn’t it? Someone who will tell us it’s okay to feel what we feel, and who will still love us anyway”
    Can’t agree more with these lines of yours and thanks for stopping by on my blog .Your blog is just amazing..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree – I shut my story down sometimes when I realize I am talking to a fixer. Way to be a great listener. And I love the way you put it to your son, “It’s okay – feel all the big feels.” So sweet!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We always want to find motherhood around us because this is the only one feeling which gives us a lot of comfort despite so many disrupted circumstances which always want to inundate our feelings towards fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s a lovely story 😊 one of my grandsons said on his first day back to school, Mummy my tummy is hurting to which she replied, that must be all the butterflies flying around. She took him into his classroom and a little girl rang up to him and said Hi Seth, how do you feel about coming back to school and then went on to tell him that she felt 93% scared 20% excited and 8% happy.! Then he was happy and began smiling…….Kids, don’t you just love them.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So important to feel your feelings!… they allow a deeper experience for small children! I’m actually writing a small children’s coloring and behavior book as we speak. I couldn’t find what needed on a feeling, behavior, and situation … so I decided to make it. Can’t beat em, join em?

    Liked by 1 person

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